Making you seem more interesting than you really are, one random fact at a time.
ESPN isn’t just another channel for college guys. It is our religion. We spend more time watching Scot Van Pelt and the old balding bastards of PTI than we do watching porn. So how could we not take the time out of our day and celebrate a truly great milestone?
Pardon the Interruption recently turned 10 and to honor such a marvellous achievement here are some of the best and funniest moments captured on air over the past 10 years.
Tony Kornheiser and Micheal Wilbon, our modern day version of Jack Lemmon and Walther Matthau:
The 6 Most Poorly Thought Out Attempts At Insurance Fraud (Cracked)
11 Hottest Got MIlk? Models Of All Time (Brosome)
5 Companies That Will Destroy Civilization (Askmen)
Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders (TheBrigade)
10 Most Important Moments In A Guy's Life (Guyism)
"...it was chilly ouside."
So people are losing their minds about seeing some penis and balls on the cover of their morning paper. And that’s expected of the baby boomers who run the school, the town, and everything else. But definitely not of the students who go there, like Lauren and Graham. Grow the fuck up. You’ve all seen dicks and balls much bigger than that in real life (Lauren) or in the porn that you so fivriously masturbate to while your out of state girlfriend runs trains on the swim team (Grahma). The swim team gets mad ass (mad in the ebonic sense of the word). The school should be celebrating both the streaker and the newspaper for putting ECU on the map not chastising them for their actions.
This is why our version of the Dancing With The Stars will never compare to other countries. Especially, Argentina’s:
On theirs they simulate half naked sex. On ours Nancy Grace farts on live television. You choose. Dick in the morning paper or no dick in the morning paper? This is where the revolution starts.
Still not better than this streaker though.
Just kidding, this is how you ensure internet infamy.
Douchiest Voicemail Ever: Dimitri leaves a message for Olga
Lesson 1: Don’t leave voicemails to strangers you’ve picked up at bars. That’s what texts are for.
Lesson 2: If someone doesn’t reply to a voicemail you left on their phone it usually means they didn’t want to reply to it. There’s no reason to leave any more unless you’re looking to cross restraining order off your college bucket list.
Lesson 4: When you keep stressing that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s usually A LOT of shit wrong with you.
Lesson 3: Lastly, if for some reason you feel the need to leave her a message there are a few things to consider:
1. It shouldn’t be longer than 10 seconds.
2. Try hard not to annunciate like a serial killer.
3. Don’t be a douche, bro. What does that mean? Don’t ever tell a girl how she feels (you’re too stupid to know). Don’t tell a girl you’ve only met once “this is how it’s going to work.” Telling her that her actions resemble that of someone who might have been sexually abused as a child? Not cool either.
4. A voicemail is not a fucking dating site resume. Don’t tell her about your luxury car, fulfilling job, or extensive hentai porn collection, unless she asks you about those things. Do slyly work the size of your dick into the conversation though, but only if you’re packing.
5. Speaking of dicks, if you are going to announce that you’re great in bed you better fucking yell it out with authority, not quickly, under your breath, as if your telling your mom to kill herself after she tells you to mow the lawn for the 40th time. Show some confidence.
Can the Greeks do anything right these days? You’ve been coasting since giving us democracy.
An British man escaped jail despite admitting to secretly slipping steroids into in his wife’s food in hopes of making her fat and ugly so she would stay at home.
As a result, his wife grew facial fair and broke out with skin spots. Singh’s scheme was uncovered by his 16-year-old daughter after she heard him grinding the pills in a bedroom.
“He wanted to stop her from going out for walks, because he wanted her to be at home to cook for him and look after the children,” said Caroline Bray, a prosecutor, told the Times of London. Source
This man may be a shitty husband but he’s a damn good father. He willingly turned his wife into the Incredible Hulk in order to shun her from the public, to keep her at home and in the kitchen where she belongs. To make sure she wouldn’t neglect her motherly duties of cooking and cleaning. And all for his kids. Because no man ever wants to fuck a girl with a moustache and a deeper voice than Kiefer Sutherland, the 70s are long gone.
And what happens to this patron saint of neglected children? The inconsiderate cunt that is his daughter turns him in. Bites the hand that feeds her. Bites the hand that clothes her.
If there was ever proof that kids these days are losing all respect for their parents this was it.
Luckily, the English Judicial system didn’t punish his selflessness and he got away with a suspended jail sentence and a restraining order against his estranged wife. Score one for the good guys.
Work up a sweat before any big presentation, exam, date, or job interview. The testosterone and adrenaline (and a host of other good chemicals) your body releases during the workout will give you an added confidence and self-assurance, while at the same time decreasing your overall levels of stress related to the upcomng activity.
Helping you get through the worst day of the week
Danny MacAskill In Edinbrugh
Easily one of the greatest extreme sports videos ever put together. Simply mesmerizing.
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