6 Things You Can Learn From Shia Labeouf’s Douchiness

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Walking around with a paper bag covering your face, open alcohol in one hand, and a plastic bag covering your other hand (the one that you broke when you flipped over your SUV after coming back from a late-night party with another man’s girl) would be enough to put anyone in the Douche Bag HOF, but you’re not anyone, now, are you, Mr. Labeouf?

Oh, what a career it promised to be, Shia! You could have been our generation’s Tom Hanks or Harrison Ford. Instead you’re going to end up on Celebrity Rehab within the next eight years because your inflated ego and your self-described lack of respect for authority kept you from “playing the game.”

Click here to read the Details interview by Aaron Gell (it’s a must read).

What YOU can learn from Shia Labeouf’s ever increasing douchbaggery:

“yeah i fucked them both, and most of the extras on set - the ones who had boyfriends.”

1. Never talk about banging another man’s girl. In the Details interview Labeouf confessed to banging both Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas while they were both still in relationships. Megan was with David Silver and Isabel was dating Vinny Chase at the time.

Knowingly sleeping with a taken girl is something of a moral quandary and cannot be considered a direct douche move. Supporters will argue that the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of the cheater and not the “other” person. Whatever. But publicizing her indiscretions to the rest of the world years later, after she married the poor schmuck she cheated on, can.

It doesn’t matter if she’s one of the hottest women in the world (which Megan Fox clearly is) you should never be the one to out your affair. This is how people wakeup dead.

2. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Over the past few years, as Labeouf’s ego continues to soar so is his penchant for insulting the works of his directors.

He had this to say about Michael Bay’s Transformers 2: “When I saw the second movie, I wasn't impressed with what we did … We got lost. We tried to get bigger…Mike (Bay) went so big that it became too big, and I think you lost the anchor of the movie. … You lost a bit of the relationships. Unless you have those relationships, then the movie doesn't matter. Then it's just a bunch of robots fighting each other.”

Preach, Shia. Preach!

Not even the Godfather of Hollywood, the man directly responsible for making him an international superstar and rich beyond his wildest dreams, was spared by Shia Labeouf’s renowned honesty. Spielberg “dropped the ball” on Indiana Jones 4, according to the ball expert, Labeouf.

I don’t care if he’s being asked about Steven Spielberg’s 1941, his papier-mâché models of 13^th Century Geisha whores, or the taste of his spunk, Shia should only have one answer regarding Dr. Jaws: “Steven Spielberg is a God among mere mortals. He holds more magic and creativity in the tip of his dick than the rest of us humans combined. His spunk is delicious.”

He even managed to throw Oliver Stone and Wall Street 2 under the bus by saying that the film was too nice and that it lacked the fangs and bite of its predecessor.

Good luck trying to ruin another franchise now.

3. Honesty is overrated. This also ties in to #2.

Here are two little quotes to illustrate the importance honesty plays in Shia’s life:

"I just don't have the wherewithal yet or the inner serenity. My bullshit meter is tuned very sensitive. The minute it starts kicking up, I get back to truth.”

“Am I an asshole for being honest?”

Yeah, dude, you are. How powerful does this douchebag think he is that he could go and give interviews honestly? You shouldn’t be honest about your own mother let alone about egotistical narcissists that run Hollywood.

 “I stay true to my inner self“

4. Wear a pink kimono around the apartment you rent above a liquor store that has no lights and you too will be called a douchebag. I don’t think anything else needs to be said.

“Wicked, my first of many mug shots.”

5. Don’t start drunken fights at Walgreens, local bars, on set, on the side of the road, or at Taco Bell (read below for details).

Although, it is pretty impressive that he was able to knock out someone the size of Tom Hardy.

Speaking to denofgeek.com about his time on the set of The Wettest County in the World, Tom Hardy explained:

"I got knocked out by Shia LaBeouf, actually. In Wettest County, apparently.

"No, he did. He knocked me out sparko. Out cold. He's a bad, bad boy. He is. He's quite intimidating as well. He's a scary dude.

"He just attacked me. He was drinking moonshine. I was wearing a cardigan, and er, went down."

After he went down, Hardy says he woke up in the arms of his personal trainer Pnut, adding:

"[Pnut] was concerned for me. I was like, 'What was that? It was lightning fast.' And he said, 'That was Shia.' I said, 'F**kin' hell. Can we go home now?' 'No, we've still got three weeks to finish.'"

6. Still don’t think that he’s a douchebag? Just read how Aaron Gell (Details) describes him:

“He's wearing a T-shirt with a teddy bear on it, black jeans, and hiking boots…

Lebeouf is good company, garrulous and intense, with an appealing touch of the angry young man about him. He spits constantly when he's outside ("I have a wet mouth") and is given to reciting poetry, reading me Charles Bukowski's "Bluebird" and "B as in Bullshit" off his iPhone. He drives an enormous black Silverado pickup and a Thruxton Triumph 900 motorcycle, carries a folding Kershaw knife, and displays a Holden Caulfield—esque allergy to phoniness that makes one wonder how he can stand Hollywood at all.”

I rest my case.

PS. One more thing, just in case any of the readers are from the jury that presided over Casey Anthony’s trial:

He once jumped over the Taco Bell counter and beat up a worker because the man made a snide remark about his companion, Megan Fox.

Come on dude you can’t go around hitting people and pulling out your little pocketknife every time someone says something about your girl you don’t like. That’s Douchebaggery 101.

Besides, the guy’s working at Taco Bell, there’s not much you can do to him to make his life worse.

...Last one, for good measure:

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