I bet Ryan Dunn wishes he had a friend like him.

This is what true friendship is all about. Telling your buddy you're going to knock him out because you love him. Telling him that when he rewatches himself get sucker punched and put to sleep on World Star that it was out of love. And even though some might consider his methods a tad bit barbaric (damn those pansy-ass pacifists) no one can argue about the results. He kept a drunk man from getting behind the wheel of the car and endangering the lives of his passengers (including his daughter) and those of the clueless drivers sharing the road with him.

Lesson learned: sometimes you have to be the bad guy in order to be the good guy.

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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar.

And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous Yes.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the space between the grains of sand. The students laughed.

Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things — your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your kids, take time to get medical check ups, take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled, I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

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*these are all questions that have appeared on Jeopardy!

Let’s see if your parents’ hard earned money has taught you anything:

(Category, Worth)

1. (State Capitals, $500) The name shows its founder, Roger Williams, believed God led him there.
2. (The ‘40s, $400) Destination of MacArthur's "I shall return."
3. (Transportation, $300) Derived from words "American", "travel", & "track", it provides most U.S. passenger rail service.
4. (Country Music, $400) His famed San Quentin concert inspired inmate Merle Haggard.
5. (By The Numbers, $300) Number of red stripes on current U.S. flag

Double Jeopardy!

1. (Wild West, $400) She once shot a cigarette from the mouth of the German crown prince.
2. (Biology, $800) It puts the green in greenery.
3. (Biology, $1000) Deoxyribonucleic acid.
4. (Foreign Phrases, $800) The vidi, in "Veni, vidi, vici"
5. (Religion, $400) Continent with the largest Jewish population.

Final Jeopardy! Category: The Calendar

Calendar date with which the 20th century began.

Answers are after the jump.

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So where is the news? Where is the shocking conclusion? It can’t be her realization that a beautiful woman can get away with cold blooded murder while an average looking Doe can’t even get a free pretzel to lower her blood sugar level. This is as old as time itself, if not older.

The true shocking discovery of this useless “documentary” is that Carolyn can be transformed from a somewhat decent looking crack whore to a drop dead gorgeous smokeshow (with an unbelievable ass) with only the aid of a tight dress, a bit of makeup, and high heels.

And there in lies the true enigma of women. One moment they’re the most beautiful creatures in the world the next you wouldn’t touch them with your worst enemy’s dick.

Lesson 1: For the girls. Dress like shit get treated like shit. Take a few minutes before stepping out the door and put yourselves together if you want to be treated like gold. Meaning, wear tight clothes and high heels and the world is yours. We guys are that superficial when it comes to accommodating beautiful strangers.

Lesson 2: For the guys. Hit on girls when they are at their plainest (ugliest) and you might get pleasantly surprised at how well she cleans up for your date. Best places for pickup: libraries, laundry rooms, early morning classes, exams week, gyms (ignore the ones decked out in skin tight spandex) and anywhere else they’re not concerned about their image.

Lesson 3: Which leads to the next lesson. Picking up girls when they’re at their best, at clubs, bars, fancy functions, or church can be a bit disappointing when she steps out of her heels, removes her extensions, fake eyelashes, padded bra, fake nails, and washes out her spray on tan.

Lesson 4: Heels are to ass are what steroids are to 90s MLB power hitters.  Or what Viagra is to Sarah Jessica Parker’s husband.

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40% chance the girl while at home and away from her “bestest” boyfriend was getting stuffed by her former high school flame, 80% they break up before the summer, before the zoo, bowling, and all kinds of stuff!!

Lesson learned: keep your over-the-top proclamations of love private. Not only will your friends never look at you the same way but your patheticness will be mercilessly ridiculed by strangers for years to come. God bless the internet. And the only time anyone will ever be happy for you is when they find out that she left you for your best friend. No one needs to live with that type of animosity.

More Lessons

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•  If no one laughed the first time, don’t repeat it.
• Never fuck with people who handle your food.
• You reserve the right to not invite anyone that you know is going to be a downer.
• It doesn’t matter what time of the night it is, if your bro needs a designated driver you get out of bed.
• Never let a girl leaving you for a douche turn you into one. It’s a never-ending douche-making cycle.
• Girls are like pokemon. It doesn’t matter how good you are; you can’t catch any if you don’t have any balls.
• While making out, gradually pushing her face towards your lap does not increase your chances of getting head.
• You have a 30 second window before an impulse becomes a choice.
• Never get your girl anything small enough to look like a ring. It’s hard to come back from that kind of disappointment.
• Don’t spend money just to keep someone. The second you’re down and out, they’ll be out and down on someone else.

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Oprah: Now that you won your second Oscar for the gritty portrayal of a scorned lesbian lover fighting for women’s equality within a maximum security prison in Brazil run by corrupt ex-paramilitary forces tell us how it all began.

Girl: Oh, you know the same old story. I was discovered on YouTube eating imaginary vagina to the tune of Avicii. Can you believe it, out of the girls eating imaginary vagina out there on the internet they picked me! I feel so blessed. I just want to thank my parents for always believing in my talents, God, for blessing me with my talents, and drunken college Franzia nights for helping me develop them. I know I wouldn’t be sitting here without their help. Remember, visit my site tonguedancing4acure.com to help save Darfur.

Apparently she's some sort of video vixen that's all over Mike Stud's music vdieos. Here she is in his Sammy's Shadow

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Making you seem more interesting than you really are, one random fact at a time.

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